“When you got it, flaunt it!”

That’s right, girls. It’s not just a song from the musical theatrical gift that is The Producers. It’s a way of life. When you’re blessed “from top to bottom,” “your goodies you must push.” Boys will never notice you if you don’t show them what they want to see. And then how will you ever find a husband? Ok, ok, no. I’m not even going to pretend this is some satirical, sarcastic humor piece anymore. It’s my last opportunity to write as The Dame, and before I pass it on (haha, probably to a guy unless we recruit more female TDA staffers), I feel the need to speak honestly for a change. Let’s not even pretend we give a crap what boys think. We have the assets, who cares what people think -- flaunt the crap out of ‘em! We have a right to, darn it. In the name of feeling awesome about ourselves, we have goodies to push, and we should push them. Just because.

So, doll yourself up, stick out your chest, shake your tush, and let’s get flaunting!

1. That PILF dress you bought that you wore to PILF and never again because it’s too fancy for anything else? OMG I dare you to wear it to class. Really. Dress it down with one of those shawl/scarf things or wear it over a pair of jeans. Seriously, why not get more mileage out of that gorgeous thing? You know you look delicious in it.

2. “Violinists love to play an E-string, but audiences really love a G-string.” Now, nobody is asking you to flash your Britney in public. Actually, nobody is asking you to run around with your thong hanging out of your low-rise skirt/jeans either (let’s exercise some taste, people). However, if you are in possession of saucy undergarments, I’m sure you can think of some creative ways to make this known. Low-cut tank top? Leave one more button of your blouse undone? Tight skirt with the panty-line conspicuously missing? Remember: Tasteful but tantalizing.

3. Try doing something flaunty when sober. You know, the things you usually only do when you’re drunk. I know this one might seem a little counterintuitive. It’s like, ok, so we want our inhibitions lowered so that we do fun, flaunty things, but wait, we shouldn’t drink (as much)? Seriously though, try this at least once. Get up and sing karaoke as soon as you get to the bar. Throw yourself into the middle of the dance floor. Basically, if you’ve ever said “Ok I’ll do ___ but only after a few beers,” think about why you need the beer when you already know you kick ass at ___ (having done it drunk a couple times).

4. Flaunt your brains. Be a gunner. Write for TDA. Madonna said, “Express yourself.” DO IT.

Caution should be exercise when doing 2) in the presence of paparazzi, particularly when getting out of a car. Caution should be exercise when doing 4) around zombies. Aside from that, you should be good to go!